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A programmer's joke

A woman asks her husband, a programmer, to go shopping.

Dear, please, go to the nearby grocery store to buy some bread. Also, if they have eggs, buy 6.

OK, hun.

Twenty minutes later the husband comes back bringing 6 loaves of bread.

His wife is flabbergasted.

Dear, why on earth did you buy 6 loaves of bread?

They had eggs.

Woman vs. Man

It takes 7 seconds for food to pass from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3 kg. The length of the penis is three times the length of the thumb. The femur is as hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. We use 300 muscles just to keep our balance when we stand.

The woman has read this entire text. The man is still looking at his thumb.

Categories: Fun

Football world cup

This World Cup is working out like WW2 - France has forfeited, the USA turned up late, and England is left to fight the Germans!

(just read somewhere on the internet)

Big city lawyer

A big city lawyer went duck hunting out in the country. He'd be out since the crack of dawn and hadn't seen a thing. Finally he sees a solitary duck. He quickly takes aim and drops the duck, but it fell into a farmer's field on the other side of a fence. As the lawyer climbed over the fence to collect the duck, a big, burly good ole' boy drives up on his tractor and asked him what he was doing.

The lawyer replied, "I shot a duck and it fell in this field. Now I'm going in to retrieve it."

The country boy looked the lawyer in the eyes and stated firmly, "This is my property, and you are not coming over here."

The lawyer huffed angrily, "I've been out here all damn day and haven't seen a thing. I finally see this duck, shoot it, and now I'm going to get it."

The country boy smiled. "You're not getting this duck. But I tell you what, I'm a reasonable man. We'll settle this disagreement the country way."

The lawyer asked, "What's the country way?"

The country boy answered, "Well, we take turns kicking each other in the balls, and the first person to give up wins."

By this time the city guy was furious. "Fine, let's do this!"

"Well, since it is my property, I get to go first." said the farmer. He walked up to the city guy and just nailed him in the nuts. The city guy rolls around on the ground for about fifteen minutes in pure agony.

The city guy summons every bit of his will, wipes away the tears in his eyes, and manages to get to his feet. "Okay you country bumpkin, now it's my turn."

The country boy looked at the city guy and said, "Aww, you can have the duck."

Future giant

I am going to become an uncle in autumn. This shirt will be the welcome present for my nephew. (The pen to the left is supposed to give an idea of the size of the shirt.)

Continuity

For every epsilon > 0 there is a delta > 0 such that you can draw the graph without lifting your pencil from the paper.

Anekdote

Der alte Henry Ford kommt in Chicago ins Hotel und bittet um das billigste Zimmer. Als der Rezeptionschef das hört, sagt er verwundert: "Aber natürlich, Sir, kein Problem. Nur... ich hätte da eine Frage, wenn Sie gestatten." "Bitte?" Henry Ford hebt die Augenbrauen. "Äh... Sie haben um das billigste Zimmer gebeten... äh... Wenn Ihr Sohn bei uns absteigt, Sir, nimmt er aber immer die teuerste Suite." "Das ist auch kein Wunder", meint Henry Ford, "der hat ja auch einen reichen Vater. Ich nicht."

(aus "Der Geist in der Münze" - Ralph Tegtmeier)

Cleavage season

Springtime is on its way and the cleavage season starts... I just read this great quote:

"That's how cleavage works. It's not a smart bomb, it's not a laser-guided weapon. You might hit your target, but there's also going to be a lot of collateral damage. That's the way it goes. You might hit the guy in the Porsche, you might also hit the guy with one tooth riding the bus, and you gotta accept it." (Greg Giraldo)

Du kannst mehr Mathe, als du denkst.

Vielleicht erinnert sich der ein oder andere noch an die Plakate - "Du kannst mehr Mathe, als du denkst.", die vor allem im vergangenen Mathe-Jahr zu sehen waren.

Heute Nachmittag bin ich beim Blättern in einer älteren Titanic-Ausgabe auf folgendes gestoßen:

O Lord

"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me." (R.Frost)

Weisheit

Folgendes soll eine dänische Weisheit sein. Ob es wirklich von den Dänen stammt, konnte ich nicht nachprüfen, aber ich traue es diesem sympathischen Völkchen schon zu.
Zwei Personen unterhalten sich: Sagt die eine: Es wird der Tag kommen, an dem wir sterben müssen. Darauf antwortet die andere: Ja, stimmt, aber an allen anderen Tagen müssen wir nicht sterben.